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chronicles of a serial dater

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More on friends. [Nov. 19th, 2003|01:09 am]
chronicles of a serial dater
It might be already evident that my friends are very important to me. And this is a continuation of that thought.
My friends are my friends for a reason. I respect them. I trust them. And I listen to what they have to say. This is beside the fact of friend love.
And they do affect my dating life. When I consider being with someone I want to know what they think. I don't always (ever) listen. But I want to know. Sometimes an outside opinion is more accurate than infatuation. Sometimes (always) they see things I don't want to. Sometimes they let me talk them into letting me do things that I shouldn't. Sometimes I get my heart broken and they don't say I told you so.
I'm lucky with them.
Why am I thinking about this now? I mentioned Person A. And someone brought up the fact that despite my claim to not be interested, I wrote three paragraphs about it. While Person P got only one, a forced one at that. The person that brought this up knows me, and witnessed both episodes. Not to mentioned our own episode. And there's something to it. My "indifference" sure does take a long time to explain, doesn't it?
What happened was that Person A and I had a rocky beginning. Then we had another beginning. And I don't know what I was thinking, and it was before I wrote anything here, or anywhere, so I can't cross reference. But I do remember that after the second beginning things ended abruptly. And I was in pretty bad shape for a pretty long time.
My friends know that. They saw it. I didn't say much about it, but they saw it. It was hard to hide. And they don't want to see me feel like that. And they told me things about this person and other people. Don't you go getting your heart broken again, don't you remember what happened? Don't you trust him. Don't you believe him, he's just like what happened before. And I think that they see what happened with Person A as the most sincere pain I've felt while they've known me. I think that has become the bar to hold all other break ups to.
That was a year ago. And Person A is coming around again. And he's coming on strong. And I remember how I felt a year ago, both the good and the bad. And naturally I'm petrified. I don't want to put myself in that situation again. I don't want to believe him again, to be disappointed again. Makes sense so far, right?
Here's where my friends come in. During this year or so since it happened all I've heard was warnings. And like I said before, they say bad things about people to help me not care about them. And they have said a lot, a lot, of bad things about this person.
Now all of a sudden, I'd like to see you together. Where is that coming from? Why now? Why not the first time? Why was he such a piece of crap then, and is so great now?
The difference in their eyes lies in intent. See, Person R, is a liar, and a moron. This isn't something I'm comfortable with yet, but I'm afraid that I will eventually have to admit it. Person S (I hope to god I never write about him again) is the devil. And he really is. So if you're bad and you go to hell, you'll be with Person S. Seriously! That bad.
But Person A, he's not malicious, he just made a mistake. He's got a good heart. He's sincere this time.
I think that might be harder for me to believe than Person R being a jerk.
I think that particularly with romantic situations, only the two people involved really know what goes on. No matter how you tell it, no one will feel what you felt. And no one sees what you see. So I can't take what anyone else says without a grain of salt, be it good or bad. But when people that know me, and care about me, good, smart people, that I care about, whose opinions I value, start saying things, in unison, it makes me think twice. Maybe they're seeing what I'm not. And on the other hand, they didn't stay in bed for weeks, they didn't go into a bloody rage for months, they didn't have to melt a glacier to forgive.
Its just a big surprise for me to hear the most cynical person I've ever met go and change her mind. But like I said, only six months left. And I'm in no rush with this one. He can wait.